well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
