I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i love accidental penises.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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