cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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