how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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