you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
