what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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