If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
