..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
