Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
