either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
this will be a night to untag.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
