"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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