Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
