An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
