My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
