I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
