Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
