I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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