My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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