Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
