Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
