I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Randomize
