It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
