Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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