Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
