Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
