everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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