so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
