hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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