i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
