So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
