If i come over, it means nothing
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
