hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
