Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
