Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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