And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
