i need an iv and a liver transplant
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
