I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
