i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
