you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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