I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
