he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
i out mim tonsoeep
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
