Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
