You smell like a Billy Joel song
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize
