I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Found the puke drawer
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
