Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
