Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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