I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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