I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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