Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Farmville is her only friend.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I forget how to act sober
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
