i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Randomize
